The Robinson Family Memory Hole

Who controls the past, controls the future. Who controls the present, controls the past.

Name:
Location: Northern Virginia, United States

A wayward child grown old.

Monday, June 27, 2005

Wake and Bake!!


23_24A
Originally uploaded by Wrikzilla.
Just got back from the desert!! The Marriott Desert Ridge Resort in Phoenix that is! It was ostensibly a reunion for the Frankfurt American High class of '80, but I am good evidence that, hell, they'll just let anyone show up!! :D

I've never been to the desert before so this was quite a shock. I was expecting hot like I've suffered under in Florida; but this was hot like I've never felt. It felt good...great really. Kind of a thin heat because of the zero humidity. You walk out the door to the various pools and it feels tingly all over like a massage.

more later......
-rick

Saturday, June 18, 2005

"La joie de vivre!"

Every young son holds a secret wish deep in his heart; to do good and make Daddy proud. I was no different. I have strived from my earliest memory until the fateful singular moment in which I wrote that 1991 letter to do good and make Daddy proud.

The effort made me the man I am today; whether that is good or bad I have to leave to my friends and family to answer. Trying to impress my unimpressable Dad has led me down many paths I may not have taken otherwise. The Army, flying, these were enriching activities in my life. The Army gave me the male-oriented guidance I had always lacked. In a sense the Army became my Dad. Through my interactions with my buddies, and the leadership of my NCO's I became a man. (finally!) With flying I faced my worst fears (I've always had a fear of heights) and conquered them!! I found that there is a joy of life that cannot be found without taking a risk, facing a fear, and overcoming it. It's called living life to the fullest. Actually the French have a better word for it: "la joie de vivre" (hell, they have a better word for everything!)

Lately my quest for joie de vivre has led me to purchase a motorcycle. Now I know what you're going to say; mid-life crisis right? Well that may be more true than not, I'm too close to the subject in order to be objective about it. However, back in South Florida from '82 to '92 I had a little Kawasaki CSR305 belt driven bike. It was a good bike and very fun to drive, but it was tiny. I always wanted a "real" bike; you know a big Harley Road King or something but I always kinda wondered if maybe I couldn't handle all that weight and power. Maybe I was a little bike guy. So here again was another fear. Well, I have decided to get that big bike and settle the question. So I just purchased a 1999 Yamaha V-star 1100cc cruiser. It looks like a Harley and handles like one too; but since I can't afford a Harley this is the best I can do. I've had it out a couple of times now, and I'm awfully rusty!! The wife and kids think I'm gonna kill myself! Well, the rust is coming off of my skills quite nicely and it looks like I might live after all! The big bike is way more fun than the little one ever was! Thus again the axiom proves itself; living life to it's fullest includes, but is not limited to, facing your fears and beating them to a pulp! ;) So now I'm a big bike guy.

What FUN! Why did I ever give it up? Oh wait, I remember; kids, wife, responsibilities! Well I'm old now; Karina is grown, April is soon to be a teenager....my life insurance is all paid up....time to have fun again! Joie de vivre!! Happy summer everyone!!

Carpe diem!
-Rick

99yamaha


99yamaha
Originally uploaded by Wrikzilla.
My new bike!! Yeah baby!

82kawi


82kawi
Originally uploaded by Wrikzilla.
My first bike!

Tuesday, June 14, 2005

Karina Graduates!!!


kinigrad
Originally uploaded by Wrikzilla.
...or how did a total geek like me help create a kid this cool? Ahh, it's a mystery for the ages I guess! (That, or she just takes after her mom!)

It's so hard to believe that she's all grown up now. I know she's going to have a great life; she's as smart as she is beautiful. Wow, now I feel old!

-Rick

Monday, June 06, 2005

Jan's "new" car!


Jan's "new" car!
Originally uploaded by Wrikzilla.
It took me two months worth of shopping Ebay to find the right car for Jan. I then had to fly from DC to Atlanta, then Atlanta to Akron to pick it up. I got it $200 below Edmund's "trade-in" price which is damned good! The car came with VW dealer certification which means a 2 year/24,000 mile warranty!! All that a full $1,500 below what one would expect to pay a private seller, and almost $3,000 below usual dealer retail price. In other words, it was well worth the roadtrip and flights.

Friday, May 27, 2005

Hey, I called Bart!

I have gotten lazy about updating the blog. Once I decided not to send it to the Houston branch of the family after all it seems to have lost it's reason for being. But all in all, these things needed to be said, to be placed into a record of some kind. That's now been done, and perhaps someday it will be read by those whom it was intended for. Who knows?

Anyhow, right after I mailed that last letter to Carolyn I called Bart and tried to invite him out to party with my Frankfurt friends in Phoenix the weekend of June 24th thru 26th. He seemed friendly on the phone, but declined to come out because he's just too busy. Well, at least he has my phone number now, and knows I'd like to hear from him. I guess that's all I can rightly do. As of the present I haven't heard back from Carolyn, but if I do I'll post it here. I doubt I'll hear from her again, and it makes no difference to me. Even if we could have reconciled, she'd still be an uneraseable negative memory...I don't need to dwell on her anymore. Good riddance to her, she's old and near the end of her life...if she wants to die with this unresolved it's her decision. I tried. When I face my own judgement day at least I'll be able to say that I tried.

In the meantime I have one hell of a busy summer planned! I don't think the Hawaii trip is going to happen, but something really cool is in the works! Life is good!

-Rick

Tuesday, May 17, 2005

My reply to Carolyn's letter.....

Tuesday, May 17, 2005

Dear Carolyn,

I had thought that you were open to talking about some of the issues that we obviously have with each other. I was hoping that I would be able to sit down with you and talk about things. Honestly, I think that all the unpleasantness of the last 28 years and more could have been rather easily dealt with had we all merely communicated openly with one another. Over the years I tried intermittently to get my dad to talk with me about what happened between Holly and me back in '76, but he never wanted to and I didn't push it. So when Jan told me you were open to a reconciliation I thought that meant that we could talk things out and perhaps, as a result, put it all in the past where it belongs.

I am sure that we both harbor many misconceptions about each other; it's a predictable result of our lack of personal communication. One of your own misconceptions was apparent in your letter. You think I didn't want to be in Houston back in '76, but I did, very much so. If you remember, I was quite happy that summer and early fall. Dad and I took Bart to his football games. Bart and I built and flew really interesting kinds of paper and wire airplanes. We went skeet shooting with dad. Bart and I even hunted all over the neighborhood for the car that killed poor scooter because we both were mad that that driver’s negligence had hurt Holly so badly. There were of course many sibling issues that Holly and even Bart had with me, and I with them, but these were not abnormal in a step-family. These types of issues are common and with a little communication can be resolved, sometimes easily. Instead of positive action you and dad put me on a bus. I haven't seen you or anyone else since.

Hence, I have always assumed that you wanted me gone, and took our sibling issues as a pretext to seeing me onto that bus. I am willing to admit that I could be wrong about this, but 28 years of silence from you and zero contact with anyone other than my dad seems to bolster my earlier conclusion, a conclusion made in the absence of any other relevant information.

As for my dad and myself, I had spoken to him and written to him several times since '76 and prior to '91. I was thrilled and surprised when he came to my wedding in the UK, and hoped that it meant we would have more time together in the future. In order to make him proud of me I even earned a pilot's license and did a 6 year term of Army service. (I'm glad I did those things even if they did fail to impress him much) In any case, I had hoped over the years that there would be some contact with you and my siblings someday. But year followed year and I got used to the fact that invitations for holidays and such with the family would not be forthcoming. I didn't really understand it though. I wasn't a teenager with teenage troubles any longer, and yet you and dad still never invited me back for even a brief visit or holiday.

Well look, I've said more than I wanted to. My whole idea of contacting you was to try and get your help in contacting Kristin, Holly, and Bart. You're right though; I can do it without your help. But if they have built up defenses or biases against me formed over all these years of no contact, then your help would be invaluable. As it is I have no idea how to break the ice....but as you say it is up to me and them I guess.

I do hope that whatever transpires, or fails to, between you and I will not impact April's status with you and your end of the family. She only wants to know her family, and has little idea of what caused the split in the first place. As you can probably tell, I didn't say a negative word to her about dad and you. She's a clean slate, and a good kid. She’s going to want to come back and see you all if she’s welcomed.


As for me Carolyn, I have no deep dark desire to heap blame upon you. Nor do I have an urgent need to forgive you and dad. I don’t really feel anything anymore. I honestly think it would have been nice if I could have come to visit you, talk this stuff out with you, and come to a mutual understanding. It would have been healthy, and who knows, perhaps we could have even been friends? When I look through old pictures of me as a child with you holding my hand, I wonder why it all had to work out this way. I had thought you could help me figure that out.

That letter I wrote back in ’91 was born out of years of frustration and rejection. Dad telling me I was not welcome to come to my grandmother’s funeral was just the trigger. In the final analysis it was psychologically easier for me to finally reject you and dad, than it was for me to try and figure out why you both had rejected me.

I’m not your enemy Carolyn, nor am I your friend. I’m just an ordinary guy who would like to be re-introduced to his brother and sisters, and you are someone who could help if only you wished to. I hadn’t asked you this before, so I thought it couldn’t hurt to try. Well I tried, I was hopeful that you might be open to the suggestion. You weren’t, but like I said, it didn’t hurt to ask….

Have a good rest of your life Carolyn, I won’t bother you again. If you ever change your mind you know how to reach me.

(signed)
Rick


"If it were all so simple! If only there were evil people somewhere insidiously committing evil deeds, and it were necessary only to separate them from the rest of us and destroy them. But the line dividing good and evil cuts through the heart of every human being. And who is willing to destroy a piece of his own heart?"
--Alexsandr Solzhenitsyn

Friday, May 13, 2005

Paraskevidekatriaphobia


13thsmall
Originally uploaded by Wrikzilla.
Paraskevidekatriaphobia is a morbid, irrational fear of Friday the 13th. Therapist Dr. Donald Dossey, whose specialty is treating people with irrational fears, coined the term. He claims that when you can pronounce the word you are cured.

Paraskevidekatriaphobia is related to triskaidekaphobia, the fear of the number 13.

Superstition about Friday the 13th may well be the number one superstition in America today. The number 13 is considered especially unfavorable though it was considered a lucky number in ancient Egypt and China. There were 13 people at the Last Supper. And several mass murderers have 13 letters in their names: Charles Manson, Jeffrey Dahmer, Theodore Bundy. Of course, millions of people who haven't committed any murders, such as Richard Cheney and Robert Redford, have 13 letters in their names, too. As far as I know, nobody has studied how many dinner parties with 13 present went off uneventfully. Witches, perhaps to clearly oppose themselves to a Christian superstition, sometimes have groups of 13 known as covens.
(Hat tip; skeptic's dictionary)